10/08/2017

ANNABELLE : CREATION ★ | MOVIE REVIEW


Art by Pallav Chakraborty, Edit by Zeng Teck.





Hey Zengarmy,


Can you believe it's been TWO MONTHS since my last movie review (cause I can't) ??!!
As I've mentioned in my last mental health update, a break from the internet is very
much appreciated by my body and I've been SO much happier than I was before after
I've made the decision. I hope you can understand. And if you can't, I guess you can
fuck off? (bye, you won't be missed) So yea, I've just watched the latest Annabelle
installment (I can't believe a non-living doll lasted 2 movies and is still thriving)
this morning and to be honest — it was SHITTIER than the previous installment.






Okay, you'll probably think this movie is good if you don't have any high expectations.
To all the people out there who love Annabelle: Creation, I do not know what is wrong
with your head and we certainly cannot be friends (lol). Despite the heavy criticism on
the first Annabelle movie (the one with the pregnant woman, is that the one?), I actually
enjoyed watching it... but this one? I AM OVER AND DONE WITH ANNABELLE THANKSSSS.
I don't know why the hell am I writing this movie review but I guess this serves as a pre-
warning for those who loved the first Annabelle installment to lower your expectation.



 Overall, 6.5/10 for Annabelle: Creation 
( more elaboration on WHY later, y'all sit the fuck down first & read )



Art by J-Monster Art / The Work of Joshua Kelly



Without giving out too much spoilers, this movie is an origin movie that explains the
existence of Annabelle, why and how it all started, & all those shits (which is why it
is named Annabelle: Creation instead of Annabelle 2). Does this movie explain the
origin of Annabelle? I think it does. Is this movie worth watching as a stand-alone
movie? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY NOT. I literally just sat in my seat and YAWNED for
75% of the movie! Not that I hated the parts that explain the origin of Annabelle
(trust me I love those parts) but the scary parts in this movie are just... STUPID!



The amount of jump-scares that I got from this movie was LITERALLY ONLY 1.5
(yes it's ONE and a HALF, not even two HAHAHAHAHAHA). If you read back my
movie review on the first Annabelle movie in 2014 (gosh how time flies!),
you can tell that I was covering my ears almost throughout the entire movie
(fun times), but I DIDN'T EVEN FLINCH FOR ONE FUCKING SECOND watching
Annabelle: Creation. I don't know, is my fear receptor getting numb or has
this horror movie failed to check the basic "scaring people" box? I wanted
to love this movie but I just couldn't. The horror bits made me LAUGHED
— that's how you know a reputable horror movie has hit all time low.



(WARNING : MINOR SPOILER ALERT AHEAD)


Art by Heber Villar Liza



The only saving grace of this movie is the incredible child actor Talitha Bateman
(who played Janice). Even though her character is stupid as fuck (more on that
later) she is my favorite actor in the entire movie for being able to depict fear
in such a heart-touching way. My least favorite character in the movie is Linda
(played by Lulu Wilson) not for anything but her stupidity, character wise haha.



These characters are STUPID AS FUCKING CHICKENS I CANNOT COMPREHEND.
Like, I TOTALLY get that stupid characters NEED to exist in horror movies so
that they can get killed by the ghost easily & leave the highlight to the main
characters who survived till the end. But... all the characters in this movie are
fucking DUMB. There were a few instances where I just laughed because the girl
(stupid Linda) LITERALLY SAW THE GHOST THROUGH THE KEYHOLE OF A DOOR &
SHE FUCKING OPENED THE FUCKING DOOR AND WENT RIGHT FUCKING INSIDE THE
FUCKING ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM.



ME trying to understand the intelligence
of the stupid characters in a horror film:



Yes I'm wearing contact lenses that's why my eyes are grey.



I cannot. I CAN NOT comprehend why these stupid girls would try everything they
could to get themselves killed by the ghost. When you see a ghost would you run
or would you try to see what it looks like and then starts walking backwards in slow
motion facing the ghost??? EVEN A FUCKING CHICKEN KNOWS HOW TO RUNNNNNNN.



It's torturing to see a stupid character live and not die.



To be honest most of the scary parts are so basic that they don't scare me (remember
I'm timid as fuck?) and I don't expect those parts to scare other people as well. I was
sitting beside a couple while watching this movie in a cinema today (tragic I know)
and the girl screamed SO LOUD that I wanted to tell her to STOP PRETENDING TO
BE SCARED. Like, seriously? The only living persons that could be genuinely scared
by this movie are the 10-years-old's and below. If you're scared of horror films and
wanted to try and breakthrough, Annabelle: Creation could be a good start for you.



All in all, this movie is a good one for
the couples who go to movies to pretend
to be scared so that they could hold hands
throughout the entire movie. Would 10/10
recommend for that particular reason! :)



Owh and if you're going to the cinema to watch this shit,
remember to stay UNTIL THE VERY END BECAUSE THERE
WILL BE EASTER EGG for the sequel (can't believe they
are still going to put up a show for this shitty doll).








          
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